Olympic fever is upon us. And while everyone’s talking medal hopes and sporting dreams we thought we’d bring it down to a level all of us mere spectators can fully appreciate.
So, voila! We give you the Fabulous Ladies’ Guide to Wine for the Rio Olympics. You’re welcome.
Yes, we know. The Australian men’s swim team. You want to be all shaking-your-fist and yelling ‘don’t get too ahead of yourselves, we remember London’ at the telly, when what you’re actually doing is pondering how many six-packs can exist between so few men and whether each one of those delicious bulges has their own Instagram account you can follow.
So we know with certainty that you’ll be casually flicking on the swimming highlights with intense regularity.
When you do, we recommend you drown yourself in the buffed-pectoral gorgeousness with a bottle of tingly Moscato.
Why? Because it’s swimming darling! What else but a lightly sparkling, delicately sweet Moscato would you drink by the pool in your…ahem…best swim suit?
We recommend: Mistletoe Wines Bubbly Mozcato 2015 $22.00
Racy, light, easy to take in, makes everyone happy. Athletics creates smiles all round, so it’s got to be a Pinot Grigio.
There’s nothing 50 Shades of Grey about it – Pinot Grigio is the wine of the people and is the ultimate match for a wide range of colourful athletic attractions. (Read THAT as you will…)
From gasping at the incredible height of the pole vaulters to the blink-and-you’ll-miss-it 100 metre sprint, Pinot Grigio is nimble enough to have you covered across track and field.
We recommend: Spring Seed Wine Co. ‘Poppy’ Pinot Grigio (Organic) $19
For most of your life, you publicly ridicule the Shooters Party and wince with feigned PETA sympathies when your girlfriend tells you that, yes, her stole is made of real rabbit fur.
But when it comes to the Olympics, we all love our shooters. Especially the gals that rock their .22-caliber smallbore, single-loader rifles. Give it to ‘em ladies.
For this one there’s absolutely no other choice. You must drink something from the Ladies Who Shoot Their Lunch.
We recommend: Ladies Who Shoot Their Lunch Wild Ferment Chardonnay 2013 $35.00
Apparently, if you know your mountain bikes from your road cycles, then you’ll already be aware there’s a lot of strategy involved in cycling. It’s not all just about going fast. So instead of something zippy, you need a drink that you can sit back with and do some serious pondering while you criticise their tactical execution from the comfort of your Jason recliner.
We recommend: Raidis Estate Billy Cabernet Sauvignon $30
Here’s your chance to sit on the tail gate of your Range Rover, open your picnic hamper and pop the Champagne. For most of us, the Olympics are the only times in our lives where we watch horses doing something other than racing in circles, so you might as well do it in style.
And don’t we love it.
All week we’ll be saying “He’s still got the dressage to go” and “On penalty points she can make it through if she doesn’t knock over the last jump”. And then, strangely, we’ll forget all about it for another four years…
We recommend: Billecart Salmon Brut Rosé NV $105
They might appear light-weight but the incredible strength and flexibility of those itty-bitty gymnasts sees them doing acrobatics that defy gravity.
Rippling bodies doing contortionist acts requires a wine that – likewise – punches above it’s body weight. We think a well structured and fruit laden Pinot Noir would be perfect.
We recommend: Bay of Fires Pinot Noir 2014 $49
There are few Olympic sports more satisfying than watching a bunch of gorgeous men glide through the water – backwards. Men. Moving in harmony. In reverse. There’s something so…so… well, just so damned HILARIOUS about it.
(Of course the women are amazing competitors too, but for the purposes of this article we’re serving it up purely from a spectator point of view.)
What makes it even funnier is that the blokes with oars are all so articulate and well educated and “proper”. But can’t they see just how gorgeously strange the whole thing is?
Sparkling Shiraz is what’s needed here. A traditionally stuffy and toffy nosed wine that’s turned on it’s head to become a completely different drink – and something altogether more fun.
We recommend: Schild Estate Sparkling Shiraz 2014 $25
Got any other favourite Olympic sports you’d like to suggest a wine match for? Tell us by leaving a comment below.